1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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