I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
