Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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