Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
