He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
