a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
