Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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