I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
