and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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