Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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