you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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