I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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