I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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