Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
