Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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