I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
