oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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