It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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