Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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