I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
