i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
