On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
