my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had sex on a roof
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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