i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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