Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
