you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
