He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
