The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
