I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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