I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
