my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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