redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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