If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
