You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
