hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
