just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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