Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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