it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Everything about him screamed your future.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
