Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize