A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
