you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
