At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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