I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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