This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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