Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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