To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I cannot find my penis.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
whose parrot is this?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
