Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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