ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
