just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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