In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
