yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
