Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
