I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
