Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
