Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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