im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
