just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
