Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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