I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
