your thong is hanging out like whoa
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
