Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
