You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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