also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just had sex bonerless
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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