When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
