she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
