omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
