Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
