u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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