Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
