Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
