She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
