Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
