How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
