i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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