it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
