Kiss
Puke
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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