Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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