Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
