We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
