I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
